Looking for:
Gentlemens book of etiquette and manual of politeness |
Gentlemens book of etiquette and manual of politeness.The gentlemen's book of etiquette and manual of politeness
Gentlemens book of etiquette and manual of politeness
Want to Read. Delete Note Save Note. Check nearby libraries WorldCat. Buy this book Better World Books When you buy books using these links the Internet Archive may earn a small commission. December 29, History. The gentlemen's book of etiquette and manual of politeness Edit.
Publish Date. Subjects Etiquette , Etiquette for men. Edition Availability 1. Not in Library. It is not meant to be put in your mouth. Your fork is intended to carry the food from your plate to your mouth, and no gentleman ever eats with his knife. If the meat or fish upon your plate is too rare or too well-done, do not eat it; give for an excuse that you prefer some other dish before you; but never tell your host that his cook has made the dish uneatable.
Never speak when you have anything in your mouth. Never pile the food on your plate as if you were starving, but take a little at a time; the dishes will not run away.
There is always one before the dish at every well-served table, and you should use that. It is a good plan to accustom yourself to using your fork with the left hand, when eating, as you thus avoid the awkwardness of constantly passing the fork from your left hand to your right, and back again, when cutting your food and eating it.
If you do not take wine, never keep the bottle standing before you, but pass it on. If you do take it, pass it on as soon as you have filled your glass. If you wish to remove a fish bone or fruit seed from your mouth, cover your lips with your hand or napkin, that others may not see you remove it. If you wish to use your handkerchief, and have not time to leave the table, turn your head away, and as quickly as possible put the handkerchief in your pocket again.
Always wipe your mouth before drinking, as nothing is more ill-bred than to grease your glass with your lips. If you are invited to drink with a friend, and do not drink wine, bow, raise your glass of water and drink with him. Do not be persuaded to touch another drop of wine after your own prudence warns you that you have taken enough.
Avoid any air of mystery when speaking to those next you; it is ill-bred and in excessively bad taste. If you wish to speak of any one, or to any one at the table, call them by name, but never point or make a signal when at table. When taking coffee, never pour it into your saucer, but let it cool in the cup, and drink from that. If invited yourself to sing, and you feel sufficiently sure that you will give pleasure, comply immediately with the request.
If, however, you refuse, remain firm in your refusal, as to yield after once refusing is a breach of etiquette. When the finger-glasses are passed, dip your fingers into them and then wipe them upon your napkin. It is excessively rude to leave the house as soon as dinner is over.
Respect to your hostess obliges you to stay in the drawing-room at least an hour. I give, from a recent English work, some humorously written directions for table etiquette, and, although they are some of them repetitions of what I have already given, they will be found to contain many useful hints:. However agreeable a man may be in society, if he offends or disgusts by his table traits, he will soon be scouted from it, and justly so.
There are some broad rules for behavior at table. Whenever there is a servant to help you, never help yourself. Never put a knife into your mouth, not even with cheese, which should be eaten with a fork. Never use a spoon for anything but liquids. Never touch anything edible with your fingers. There are some few things which you may take up with your fingers.
Thus an epicure will eat even macaroni with his fingers; and as sucking asparagus is more pleasant than chewing it, you may, as an epicure, take it up au naturel.
But both these things are generally eaten with a fork. Bread is, of course, eaten with the fingers, and it would be absurd to carve it with your knife and fork. It must, on the contrary, always be broken when not buttered, and you should never put a slice of dry bread to your mouth to bite a piece off. Apropos of which, I may hint that no epicure ever yet put a knife to an apple, and that an orange should be peeled with a spoon.
But the art of peeling an orange so as to hold its own juice, and its own sugar too, is one that can scarcely be taught in a book. Now, the first thing you do is to sit down. Stop, sir! How graceless, inconvenient, and in the way of conversation! Why, dear me! Well, but there is no occasion to throw your head back like that, you look like an alderman, sir, after dinner. You are here to eat, drink, and be merry.
You can sleep when you get home. Very likely, in my house. You may be sure that I never sit down to a meal without napkins.
Do you take it for a towel? Well, never mind, I am consoled that you did not go farther, and use it as a pocket-handkerchief. So talk away to the lady on your right, and wait till soup is handed to you. By the way, that waiting is the most important part of table manners, and, as much as possible, you should avoid asking for anything or helping yourself from the table. Yes, that will do, but I beg you will not make that odious noise in drinking your soup.
It is louder than a dog lapping water, and a cat would be quite genteel to it. Then you need not scrape up the plate in that way, nor even tilt it to get the last drop. I shall be happy to send you some more; but I must just remark, that it is not the custom to take two helpings of soup, and it is liable to keep other people waiting, which, once for all, is a selfish and intolerable habit.
Come, leave that decanter alone. There, I have sent him some turbot to keep him quiet. I declare he cannot make up his mind. You are keeping my servant again, sir. Will you, or will you not, do turbot? Ah, you take it, but that is no reason why you should take up a knife too.
Fish, I repeat must never be touched with a knife. Take a fork in the right and a small piece of bread in the left hand. Good, but—? Put up your napkin like this, and land the said bone on your plate. I declare your mouth was wide open and full of fish.
Small pieces, I beseech you; and once for all, whatever you eat, keep your mouth shut , and never attempt to talk with it full. Surely you are not taking two on your plate. There is plenty of dinner to come, and one is quite enough.
No, nor fingers, never. Nor a spoon—almost as bad. Take your fork, sir, your fork; and, now you have eaten, oblige me by wiping your mouth and moustache with your napkin, for there is a bit of the pastry hanging to the latter, and looking very disagreeable.
Well, you can refuse a dish if you like. But, at any rate, do not be in that terrific hurry. You are not going off by the next train. Wait for the sauce and wait for vegetables; but whether you eat them or not, do not begin before everybody else.
Surely you must take my table for that of a railway refreshment-room, for you have finished before the person I helped first. Fast eating is bad for the digestion, my good sir, and not very good manners either. Let me give you a rule,—Everything that can be cut without a knife, should be cut with a fork alone. Eat your vegetables, therefore, with a fork.
No, there is no necessity to take a spoon for peas; a fork in the right hand will do. Then I must give you up. Once for all, and ever, the knife is to cut, not to help with. Pray, do not munch in that noisy manner; chew your food well, but softly. Eat slowly. Have you not heard that Napoleon lost the battle of Leipsic by eating too fast? It is a fact though. His haste caused indigestion, which made him incapable of attending to the details of the battle.
You see you are the last person eating at table. Sir, I will not allow you to speak to my servants in that way. If they are so remiss as to oblige you to ask for anything, do it gently, and in a low tone, and thank a servant just as much as you would his master.
Ten to one he is as good a man; and because he is your inferior in position, is the very reason you should treat him courteously. Nor need you ask the lady to do so. However, there is this consolation, if you should ask any one to take wine with you, he or she cannot refuse, so you have your own way. Perhaps next you will be asking me to hob and nob, or trinquer in the French fashion with arms encircled. Very likely, indeed! But it is the custom in familiar circles in France, but then we are not Frenchmen.
Will you attend to your lady, sir? You did not come merely to eat, but to make yourself agreeable. Now, you have some pudding. No knife—no, no. A spoon if you like, but better still, a fork. Yes, ice requires a spoon; there is a small one handed you, take that. Decline this time if you please. Decline that dish too. Are you going to eat of everything that is handed? I pity you if you do. No, you must not ask for more cheese, and you must eat it with your fork.
Break the rusk with your fingers. You are drinking a glass of old port. Do not quaff it down at a gulp in that way. Never drink a whole glassful of anything at once. Take whichever wine you like, but remember you must keep to that, and not change about.
At least, offer it to the one next to you, and then pass it on, gently, not with a push like that. Do not drink so fast; you will hurry me in passing the decanters, if I see that your glass is empty. You need not eat dessert till the ladies are gone, but offer them whatever is nearest to you.
And now they are gone, draw your chair near mine, and I will try and talk more pleasantly to you. You will come out admirably at your next dinner with all my teaching.
Come and talk easily to me or to your nearest neighbor. You oblige me to make a move. You have had enough of those walnuts; you are keeping me, my dear sir. So now to coffee [one cup] and tea, which I beg you will not pour into your saucer to cool. Well, the dinner has done you good, and me too. Let us be amiable to the ladies, but not too much so. Unmerciful and monstrous are the noises with which some persons accompany the eating—no, the devouring of the food for which, we trust, they are thankful.
Some persons gnaw at a crust as dogs gnaw a bone, rattle knives and spoons against their teeth as though anxious to prove which is the harder, and scrape their plates with an energy and perseverance which would be very commendable if bestowed upon any object worth the trouble. Others, in defiance of the old nursery rhyme—.
Another, with a mouth full of food contrives to make his teeth and tongue perform the double duty of chewing and talking at the same time. Another, quite in military style, in the intervals of cramming, makes his knife and fork keep guard over the jealously watched plate, being held upright on either side in the clenched fist, like the musket of a raw recruit.
And another, as often as leisure serves, fidgets his plate from left to right, and from right to left, or round and round, until the painful operation of feeding is over. But there are also such inconsiderable matters as decency and good order; and it surely is better to err on the right than on the wrong side of good breeding. A gentleman will be always polite, in the parlor, dining-room, and in the street. This last clause will especially include courtesy towards ladies, no matter what may be their age or position.
A man who will annoy or insult a woman in the street, lowers himself to a brute, no matter whether he offends by look, word, or gesture. There are several little forms of etiquette, given below, the observance of which will mark the gentleman in the street.
When walking with a lady, or with a gentleman who is older than yourself, give them the upper side of the pavement, that is, the side nearest the house. When walking alone, and you see any one coming towards you on the same side of the street, give the upper part of the pavement, as you turn aside, to a man who may carry a heavy bundle, to a priest or clergyman, to a woman, or to any elderly person.
In a crowd never rudely push aside those who impede your progress, but wait patiently until the way is clear. If obliged to cross a plank, or narrow path, let any lady or old person who may also be passing, precede you. In case the way is slippery or in any way unsafe, you may, with perfect propriety, offer to assist either a lady or elderly person in crossing it.
Do not smoke in the street until after dark, and then remove your cigar from your mouth, if you meet a lady. Be careful about your dress. You can never know whom you may meet, so it is best to never leave the house otherwise than well-dressed. Bright colors, and much jewelry are both unbecoming to a gentleman in the street. In carrying an umbrella, hold it so that you can see the way clear before you; avoid striking your umbrella against those which pass you; if you are walking with a lady, let the umbrella cover her perfectly, but hold it so that you will not touch her bonnet.
If you have the care of two ladies, let them carry the umbrella between them, and walk outside yourself. Nothing can be more absurd than for a gentleman to walk between two ladies, holding the umbrella himself; while, in this way, he is perfectly protected, the ladies receive upon their dresses and cloaks the little streams of water which run from the points of the umbrella. If she accepts it, and asks your address to return it, leave it with her; if she hesitates, and does not wish to deprive you of the use of it, you may offer to accompany her to her destination, and then, do not open a conversation; let your manner be respectful, and when you leave her, let her thank you, assure her of the pleasure it has given you to be of service, bow, and leave her.
In meeting a lady friend, wait for her to bow to you, and in returning her salutation, remove your hat. To a gentleman you may bow, merely touching your hat, if he is alone or with another gentleman; but if he has a lady with him, raise your hat in bowing to him. If you stop to speak to a lady, hold your hat in your hand, until she leaves you, unless she requests you to replace it.
With a gentleman you may replace it immediately. If you stop to converse with any one in the street, stand near the houses, that you may not interfere with others who are passing. You may bow to a lady who is seated at a window, if you are in the street; but you must not bow from a window to a lady in the street.
Do not stop to join a crowd who are collected round a street show, or street merchant, unless you wish to pass for a countryman taking a holiday in the city. If you stop any one to enquire your own way, or if you are called upon to direct another, remove your hat while asking or answering the question.
In a car or omnibus, when a lady wishes to get out, stop the car for her, pass up her fare, and in an omnibus alight and assist her in getting out, bowing as you leave her.
Be gentle, courteous, and kind to children. There is no surer token of a low, vulgar mind, than unkindness to little ones whom you may meet in the streets. A true gentleman never stops to consider what may be the position of any woman whom it is in his power to aid in the street. He will assist an Irish washerwoman with her large basket or bundle over a crossing, or carry over the little charges of a distressed negro nurse, with the same gentle courtesy which he would extend toward the lady who was stepping from her private carriage.
The true spirit of chivalry makes the courtesy due to the sex, not to the position of the individual. When you are escorting a lady in the street, politeness does not absolutely require you to carry her bundle or parasol, but if you are gallant you will do so.
You must regulate your walk by hers, and not force her to keep up with your ordinary pace. Watch that you do not lead her into any bad places, and assist her carefully over each crossing, or wet place on the pavement.
If you pass over a fence, and she refuses your assistance in crossing it, walk forward, and do not look back, until she joins you again. The best way to assist a lady over a fence, is to stand yourself upon the upper rail, and while using one hand to keep a steady position, stoop, offer her the other, and with a firm, steady grasp, hold her hand until she stands beside you; then let her go down on the other side first, and follow her when she is safe upon the ground.
In starting for a walk with a lady, unless she is a stranger in the place towards whom you act as guide, let her select your destination. Where there are several ladies, and you are required to escort one of them, select the elderly, or those whose personal appearance will probably make them least likely to be sought by others.
You will probably be repaid by finding them very intelligent, and with a fund of conversation. If there are more ladies than gentlemen, you may offer an arm to two, with some jest about the difficulty of choosing, or the double honor you enjoy.
Offer your seat in any public conveyance, to a lady who is standing. It is often quite as great a kindness and mark of courtesy to take a child in your lap. When with a lady you must pay her expenses as well as your own; if she offers to share the expense, decline unless she insists upon it, in the latter case yield gracefully.
I know many gentlemen will cry out at my assertion; but I have observed this matter, and know many ladies who will sincerely agree with me in my opinion. In a carriage always give the back seat to the lady or ladies accompanying you. If you have but one lady with you, take the seat opposite to her, unless she invites you to sit beside her, in which case accept her offer. Never put your arm across the seat, or around her, as many do in riding.
It is an impertinence, and if she is a lady of refinement, she will resent it as such. If you offer a seat in your carriage to a lady, or another gentleman whom you may meet at a party or picnic, take them home, before you drive to your own destination, no matter how much you may have to drive out of your own way. Be the last to enter the carriage, the first to leave it.
If you have ladies with you, offer them your hand to assist them in entering and alighting, and you should take the arm of an old gentleman to assist him. If offered a seat in the carriage of a gentleman friend, stand aside for him to get in first, but if he waits for you, bow and take your seat before he does. When driving a lady in a two-seated vehicle, you should assist her to enter the carriage, see that her dress is not in danger of touching the wheels, and that her shawl, parasol, and fan, are where she can reach them, before you take your own seat.
When attending a lady in a horse-back ride, never mount your horse until she is ready to start. Give her your hand to assist her in mounting, arrange the folds of her habit, hand her her reins and her whip, and then take your own seat on your saddle. Let her pace be yours. Start when she does, and let her decide how fast or slowly she will ride. Never let the head of your horse pass the shoulders of hers, and be watchful and ready to render her any assistance she may require.
Never touch her bridle, reins, or whip, except she particularly requests your assistance, or an accident, or threatened danger, makes it necessary. If the road is muddy be careful that you do not ride so as to bespatter her habit.
It is best to ride on the side away from that upon which her habit falls. If you ride with a gentleman older than yourself, or one who claims your respect, let him mount before you do. If walking alone, he will be ready to offer assistance to any female whom he may see exposed to real peril from any source. Courtesy and manly courage will both incite him to this line of conduct. In general, this is a point of honor which almost all men are proud to achieve. It has frequently happened that even where the savage passions of men have been excited, and when mobs have been in actual conflict, women have been gallantly escorted through the sanguinary crowd unharmed, and their presence has even been a protection to their protectors.
This is as it should be; and such incidents have shown in a striking manner, not only the excellency of good breeding, but have also brought it out when and where it was least to be expected. He will not, whatever be his station, hinder and annoy his fellow pedestrians, by loitering or standing still in the middle of the footway. He will, if walking in company, abstain from making impertinent remarks on those he meets; he will even be careful not to appear indelicately to notice them.
Was andere dazu sagen - Rezension schreiben. Inhalt I. Hartley Vollansicht - Beliebte Passagen Seite 45 - Is not the whole land before thee? Seite - When an awkward fellow first comes into a room, it is highly probable that his sword gets between his legs and throws him down, or makes him stumble, at least. Seite Was able to gather some great and helpful tips.
Even if it is from another century, a lot can and should be applied today. Jonathan Madison. An excellent read and still incredibly relevant for our day for those seeking to improve their personal behavior. Sonia Macphee. Really quite entertaining. Kieren Shields. Dated but still useful for the degenerate period we live in today. This book was an interesting education on historical foundation of gentlemen's manners.
It is shocking how much culture we have lost in the last 50 years. Leo Huang. A fun quick read that gives a brief peak at the lifestyles of the middle and upper class in the mid s. Author books 62 followers. This, The Gentleman's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness , published in , was sitting in my Kindle, and as it is the time to clean it out, I read this out of curiosity, once and for all.
The guides of etiquette from also apply well in the world of today. Always avoid any rude or boisterous action, especially when in the presence of ladies. Nothing marks the gentleman so soon and so decidedly as quiet, refined ease of manner. Sure, there are some rules that are outdated due to technological advances, et cetera , yet I do find this book to be invaluable for my research and writing projects. I have read a lot - I mean a lot - of antique etiquette books, and I am certain this is the first one I've read that is aimed at men.
This made it an interesting read, but at the same time, because the social sphere was largely under the direction of women, this book wanders afield into a lot of the "manual of politeness" and gives a great deal of 19th century How to Win Friends and Influence People material.
And the author has the unfortunate habit of having cribbed large sections wholesale from the letters of Lord Chesterfield Author 7 books 12 followers. I thought the sections on conversation, dining, letter writing, dress, and interaction between the sexes to be entertaining and insightful.
I recommend it as both a book of historical curiousity and as a powerful contrast with the vulgar individualistic anti-culture of modern Amerika. One needs to read this book through the prism of time, as concepts and ideas might hold true, the actual appliance to described situations are yet to be found.
But easily this book is a go to, in advance of other sources, and a wonderful addition to existing behaviour and etiquette insights, I wish it would be read by more people. Warren Smith. Niche historical interest. Many timeless truths and very enjoyable! Large amounts of obsolete advice though - how to behave at the ball, how to courteously operate horse and carriage, etc.
❿
No comments:
Post a Comment